I took the day off work on Friday. It’s rare that I get time away from work that I can use for just me. My husband was at work and my daughter was at school, so it was ME time. Of course, I went to the spa. I got a fantastic facial, but the conversation was amazing, thought-provoking, and downright life changing. My aesthetician is one of the most insightful women I’ve ever met. She and I talked about my downsizing journey and what I am trying to accomplish. She nailed a few things that I haven’t had the courage to write about yet. Most importantly, she pointed out some things I haven’t thought of in my search for happiness. I know that true happiness must come from within. I know that I am the only one that can decide if I am going to be happy or not. What I didn’t realize is how little I am actually doing for myself. I believe that when a person decides to become a parent that the child’s needs should come before your own. I have lived that way since the wonderful day 8 eight years ago that my daughter was born. I spend practically every spare moment I have with her.
Before I became a mom, I was a fit triathlete and business owner. I owned a bicycle shop and was fortunate enough to get to ride my bike as part of my job. In fact, I rode my road bike until I was eight months pregnant and my OB-GYN said, “STOP!” As my own boss, I had the liberty to take plenty of me time. Although most people don’t believe me, I truly am an introvert and I value my alone time. Alone time energizes me. After our daughter was born, things changed. I put my bike away and kept saying, “She will only be little once, and my bike will be there forever.” Any time that I am not working, I spend time with her. I felt guilty if I did anything for me that required paying a babysitter. I thought I was doing her and me a favor. I have spent the past 8 years with this mentality. It was so evident on Friday. There I was at the spa, but the only reason I was there is because I took a vacation day from work. As I was getting my facial, I was complaining about how terrible my skin looked. My astute aesthetician asked if I have a nightly routine for cleaning my skin. Well, of course I don’t! I crash at bedtime and yes, I sleep in my make up all of the time! She didn’t berate me for this. Instead, she went for the jugular. This is what she said, “Your daughter will take care of her skin because you tell her to, but not because she saw you do it. Your daughter will learn her habits from you.” Ouch. That has resonated non-stop in my head ever since she said it. Holy smokes! What are my habits?? Does it really matter if I sleep in my makeup?! Man, it’s time for a dose of reality. I do not take time for me – ever. I don’t take the time to be healthy, either mentally or physically. I come home every night and have a glass of wine to wind down. I am on my phone constantly. What in the world am I teaching her???? Now, I have a lot of positive habits too so I’m not beating myself up terribly, but I am taking note of something very important. I haven’t been taking the time to take care of myself. I have been too guilt ridden to do so, but now I realize I’m doing her a terrible disservice. In the Monkey See, Monkey Do world of parenthood, I have not taught my daughter to value herself and to spend time on herself. That’s going to stop. I don’t expect that she will like or appreciate this very much. She complains I’m not with her enough as it is. But thanks to a facial on Friday and some great conversation, I now see that it is necessary. I picked her up from school on Friday and we immediately went to the nail salon. A couple of manicures and pedicures later, I’m hoping to improve what my Monkey sees and does.
As I view parenting from the Monkey See, Monkey Do lens, I have a new appreciation for my mother. A lot of the good habits I have, I attribute to her. She worked from sunup to sun down to make sure that our family had everything we needed. My mom used to cook breakfast for our family every morning. Not just any breakfast either. She made buttermilk biscuits from scratch every day! She worked all day, then came home and made us a home cooked meal every night. Now, don’t go assuming I cook biscuits every day because I don’t! I do work from sunup to sun down to make sure my family has everything it needs. As I look back, I now realize my mom never took any time for herself. Thank you for that, but I’m sorry too. I’ll correct that for our next generation.
My downsizing journey and blog have become so much more than I expected. I am astonished at how my decision to get rid of “stuff” has turned more internal than material. I love everything I’m learning and plan to get my bike back out!